Winslow The Christmas Bear

Written & Directed by Craig Clyde

Today we’re having a Bear-y Merry Christmassy double feature of supposedly family-friendly Christmas films, both of which happen to feature bears. Winslow The Christmas Bear is the timeless story of a bear, named Winslow, who wants to learn what Christmas is all about. This is a story within a story as a magic book that appears to a young girl while she is asleep, and this book contains the story of Winslow. Anyway, Winslow learns about Christmas by going around the forest he lives in and asking the other woodland creatures if they know what Christmas is all about. Winslow meets a raccoon, an otter, a fox, a fisher, a skunk, and many other animals, in a series of sequences that are not the least bit repetitive or pointless! If Winslow the Christmas Bear were animated or made using puppets it would be not even worth talking about, but it isn’t. This short film was made using live trained animals, and they are not having any of this.

The first few encounters are okay, Winslow meets with a raccoon and otter and they are okay with the presence of this massive Christmas-loving predator, presumably because they’re being bribed with massive amounts of treats, but as soon as he meets the fox, problems start. This fox does not want to be anywhere near Winslow and is constantly running out of frame because it just wants to, understandably, not be anywhere near him. Seeing that was kind of amusing at first but then things get much worse. None of the other animals want to be anywhere near Winslow, and though I am no animal behavior expert, they are visibly anxious, agitated, and defensive. When Winslow meets the wacky skunk, it is clearly petrified, tail up, and frozen in fear. When Winslow is forced up a tree to interact with a lynx, it is clearly stressed, ears pressed back, hissing and swatting at this bear who just wants to know the true meaning of Christmas. The ending is particularly misguided, wherein Winslow the bear arrives at the young girl’s house and she hand feeds him treats. I don’t care how much training that bear has, there is no way I’d ever feel safe with that. And I’d get this if it were made in the 60s or 70s, but this is from 1996! I can only imagine what would happen if this were released today.

3 Bears’ Christmas

Written & Directed by William Butler

Look at that poster. Look at it! Gaze upon it and let it seep into your unfortunate brain! However scary it looks on a poster, I will most definitely say that it is much much scarier in motion. The way the masks hang on their faces reminds me of Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and that would be great if this was meant to be scary. It’s a little less good for a heartwarming family comedy. Now that the horror elements are established, I’ll talk about the plot of this fine film is. When a woodsman chops down Mother Nature’s favorite tree, she kidnaps the woodsman’s wife, stops all snowfall (so we could film this movie in May), and grants all animals in the forest humanoid forms so that they can fight against humanity. About 10 years later, a young bear ventures off into the woods with his beaver friend to find the perfect Christmas gift for his parents. After accidentally taking a turnip that belonged to the Boo Hag, a witch who lives in the woods, the bear is turned into a human and must find the perfect gift for his parents or he will be forced to stay that way forever! Also, while out in the woods they run into the woodsman’s daughter, who wandered into the woods to see what her animal neighbors do on Christmas.

As far as the story goes, 3 Bears’ Christmas is totally fine. It’s a fairy tale type thing and that matches up with the whole aesthetic they’re going for. The most interesting thing here is something I’ve already talked about, the costumes/prosthetics, and even though I’m sure they spent a lot of time and effort setting those up, the downright creepy nature of most of the costumes is so distracting. One, and only one, animal person has her face painted to look like an animal without any other prosthetics and she looked perfectly convincing as a fantastical anthropomorphic fox. Unfortunately, this fox was a “gypsy junk seller” who enchants a small child, persuades the group to exchange all their goods for a useless trinket, and then leaves the movie unscathed. I don’t think I need to explain why the “gypsy con artist” is not an appropriate thing to feature in this family feature. Any snake oil salesman or flim-flammer could have been used, why even go there? Aside from that, this is pretty harmless, but I don’t think I would recommend either of these movies as good bad films. They’re curiosities at best and if that is what you’re looking for, two bizarre Christmas specials, then look no further!