Just a sloth who loves talking about horror movies and awful family films.
Candyman (1992)
Directed by Bernard Rose
Viewed on DVD
I’d been dragging my feet on seeing Candyman, and I couldn’t really say why. I know it is well known in horror circles, and of how well regarded Tony Todd was in the role of Candyman, but there was just something holding me back from going and seeing it. Luckily, Horror Noire, a great documentary on the history of black representation in horror finally got me to see this film and I’m glad I finally did.
Bigfoot (2012)
Directed by Bruce Davison
Viewed on Amazon Prime
Our Bigfoot theme is coming to an end and I’ve seen some bad Bigfoot movies and some…other bad Bigfoot movies, and I wanted to end with something a little special. I really wanted to get back to basics, so I thought what better way to do that than to go with a movie that’s simply titled Bigfoot, promising a classic Bigfoot story. Certainly, this movie won’t have explosions, excessive CGI, and a cameo by Alice Cooper! Oh, it has all those things? Well, thank god I watched it then, I was afraid this was going to be boring!
VS.
For the triumphant return of Bigfoot, I was a bit torn as to what I should talk about. I’ve seen two Bigfoot movies and I suppose I could separate them into two separate reviews but…I don’t want to. I don’t want to subject any of us to more Bigfoot than is absolutely required so we’ll just tackle them both at once.
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Lace Crater (2015)
Directed by Harrison Atkins
Viewed on Shudder
Valentine’s Day has come and gone, so now it’s time to sweep up the candy wrappers, take down the heart decorations, and talk about Lace Crater! Going into Lace Crater I only knew two facts about the movie, the first being that it is a strange movie and the second being that the plot is about a woman who has sex with a ghost. Thinking about it now, I probably could have just said the second thing and you would have assumed the first. So, if you want to read about a movie where a woman has sex with a ghost, well, here’s your chance!
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Directed by George Mihalka
Viewed on Vudu
After watching the remake and original versions of My Bloody Valentine in reverse order I now instantly regret this decision. I had very little experience with this series, hadn’t seen either movie, so I just figured it might be an interesting experiment to watch them this way and the results were not quite what I expected. I may have already given away my feelings about the original My Bloody Valentine so let’s be fair and go over the movie and its merits because My Bloody Valentine is certainly not a bad movie.
Audition (1999)
Directed by Takashi Miike
Viewed on Shudder Amazon
Today we’ll be looking at an incredibly appropriate Valentine’s Day horror film, Audition. If you’re big into horror then you may already have heard of or seen Audition, it received quite a bit of attention from film critics and influenced a number of now famous, in some circles at least, horror directors who were intrigued by the unique visual and storytelling styles that they saw. I’m gonna be a little bit vague on who was influenced and what movies came out of that because it would be a pretty big spoiler as to where Audition is going if you aren’t familiar with it. So before I spoil the ending, let’s talk about how Audition begins.
In the interest of not spoiling anything, I will do something a little unusual and give a brief rundown and recommendation before I go into anything too specific.
My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
Directed by Patrick Lussier
Viewed on Netflix
Summary: A fun and simple slasher movie that kind of loses its way in the third act, My Bloody Valentine 3D is a mostly successful but not too deep horror movie.
Today I’m bending the rules a little bit. My Bloody Valentine 3D is a remake of a film of the same name, minus the ‘3D’, from 1981, and I try to always watch the original before the remake but today I decided to do it in the opposite order for, well, no reason really. Just trying to shake things up occasionally. Going into this movie I knew very little, I can’t say I was terribly familiar with either version of the movie, and judging by the cover all I could tell was that this was a slasher film where the slasher was some sort of miner or was just wearing miner gear. So, with no expectations, it’s time to explore My Bloody Valentine 3D!
Son of Bigfoot (2018)
Directed by Ben Stassen & Jeremy Degruson
Viewed on Amazon Prime
Why did I even make that poll? I was trying to be nice and get everyone involved by asking if people wanted February to be about romance films or Bigfoot films and it was a tie so romantic Bigfoot movies won the day. Unlike with literature, there isn’t a huge pool of Bigfoot romantic cinema laying around that isn’t just straight-up porn, and I really don’t want to watch that, so I decided to go with the next best thing, a movie in which we know that Bigfoot has a son. At some point in the backstory of this movie, Bigfoot had hairy animalistic intercourse with a woman (or man, if Bigfoot was a lady) that resulted in offspring. I guess that’s the closest we’re getting to romance. So, Son of Bigfoot!
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Replicas (2019)
Directed by Jeffrey Nachmanoff
Viewed in Theatre
Summary: Everything is wrong. Interestingly wrong. So wrong that I wonder how it could have been made this wrong. Check it out!
Should I even be talking about Replicas? It’s not reaaaally a horror movie…but it is a sci-fi thriller…so I guess it’s close enough to count as one, and I am really eager to talk about it. So yes, today I’ll be discussing the new Keanu Reeves science fiction epic, Replicas. Now you probably haven’t heard of Replicas, and if you have then it may be because it was declared the first Box Office Bomb of 2019, making only $2.5 million in its opening weekend on a budget of $30 million, coming in at #13 at the box office. It fared no better critically, with a single digit Rotten Tomatoes score, settling at 9%. Being a fan of Keanu Reeves, and sci-fi thrillers, and outrageously bad movies, I had to give this a watch.
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A Dog’s Way Home (2019)
Directed by Charles Martin Smith
Viewed in Theatre
Summary: As saccharine and familiar as I expected, though the scene where Bella, the dog, winds up chained to a dying homeless man somewhat surprised me.
Woooo! First theatrical dog movie of 2019! Man, when I saw that there was a January bound dog movie, I jumped for joy and recoiled in terror, especially because this is my first January where I’m operating this blog. Thinking back about A Dog’s Way Home, I almost wish it was a worse movie. Not because it’s good, and why on Earth would you want to hear about a good dog movie, but because most of its sins can be pinned on one of two flaws, with the far more serious of those flaws being just how god damn boring this movie is.
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