Tagged: Movie Review

The Turning (2020)

The Turning (2020)

Directed by Floria Sigismondi

Content Warning: Sexual Assault is mentioned but not described.

Wow. Just wow. This was a rare experience. It’s not often that I leave a movie theater wondering, “Is that the worst movie of the year, or the worst movie I’ve ever seen in a theater?” It is not a good feeling. And yes, I am being upfront about this, no ‘oh did I like it or not? Read the review and find out’ malarkey. The Turning is horrific. Do not watch it. Watch any movie out right now instead. If that’s all you’re here for then kindly move on. If you want to hear me rip apart this…thing, then please read on! Also, SPOILERS!

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Underwater (2020)

Underwater (2020)
Directed by William Eubank
Viewed in Theatre

Another January week, another horror movie release to be dumped in theatres and quickly abandoned. But wait, could this one be different? I will admit, the trailer looked pretty good and Kristen Stewart is usually pretty good, despite everyone telling the same stale Twilight jokes whenever she is brought up, so I was excited going in. Did Underwater live up to my expectations? Let’s dive in (I’m so sorry) and find out!

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The Grudge

The Grudge (2020)
Directed & Written by Nicholas Pesce
Viewed in Theatre

I am going to do my best not to dunk too hard on The Grudge. Lord knows it’s already getting that from the audiences that gave it an ‘F’ on CinemaScore, so I don’t need to pile on this negativity bandwagon for the first horror film to be released in 2020. I’ll try to be as fair as possible and point out positives when they come up. That won’t be too often though, because The Grudge is not even close to a good movie.

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Black Christmas (2019)

Black Christmas (2019)

Directed by Sophia Takal

If I said I was surprised by the internet’s response to this movie I would be lying. It was depressingly predictable that the internet would do everything in its power to vilify a movie that the director describes as ‘fiercely feminist’ and the internet has not disappointed, as Black Christmas has been review bombed on just about every website. It doesn’t help that the trailer was awful and spoiled THE ENDING OF THE FILM, but that isn’t the reason why anyone is actually mad. Whenever you say ‘feminism’ or ‘rape culture’ the bad side of the internet rears its ugly head. But this isn’t about the online presence of Black Christmas, this is about the movie, which, unlike many of the people tearing into it on social media, I actually saw.

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Playing With Fire

Playing With Fire

Directed by Andy Flickman

Please enjoy this review for a somehow child-friendly film about the devastating California wildfires. Before we get into this I want to dedicate this review to my patient and lovely wife, Maria, who took it upon herself to see this movie with me. You really took one for the team here, and I appreciate it. Now, Playing With Fire. It’s a movie. It has John Cena. I watched it while chugging beer in an otherwise empty movie theater at noon on a Saturday. Let’s talk about how that went. I would say it hurt us but that would mean that it had some kind of lasting effect and that certainly isn’t true. My brain is ejecting it from my memories as I write this so I have to speed this up and get to the actual movie. 

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Tetsuo: The Iron Man

Tetsuo: The Iron Man

Directed by Shinya Tsukamoto

Today we’ll be tackling a film from my favorite sub-genre of horror, body horror. I’m not sure what exactly it was that grabbed me about these types of horror films years ago, but there’s something primal and unnerving about even subpar body horror. Before I get too far into psychoanalyzing myself, let’s talk about a notable piece of the body horror film tapestry, Tetsuo: The Iron Man.

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Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Directed by Jalmari Helander

The holiday season always seems to sneak up on me and this year is no different. While I work on bigger and better things, please enjoy a review of a charming little Finnish flick with some big ambitions, Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale. Before all the recent high profile releases of Christmas horror films like Krampus, Anna And The Apocalypse, and A Christmas Horror Story, Rare Exports was a fascinating gem for mainstream audiences used to jolly Christmas films. Now that we have so many Christmas horror films, is Rare Exports still worth watching? Probably…but why not read below to find out?

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Zombieland: Double Tap

Directed by Ruben Fleischer

Oh boy, this has been a week. Been a lot of changes, I’ve come down with the plague, very stressful time. But I need to put SOMETHING up this week so here we are. Talking about a sequel to a movie I’m not a huge fan of but hey, this is what I saw last week so this is what I have to talk about. Either this or Tetsuo: The Iron Man, but I’m not coherent enough to get my opinions on that across so this is what we have, Jesse Eisenberg killing zombies and trying to get into a meaningful romantic relationship with Emma Stone. Let’s go!

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The Lighthouse

Directed by Robert Eggers

For all the hand-wringing over the fate of modern horror, there have been some insanely good horror directors appearing seemingly out of nowhere these past few years. Ari Aster, Jordan Peele, Jennifer Kent, these people all caused waves in the horror community when they arrived, just the same as Robert Eggers did with his first film, The Witch. An effortlessly tense period piece, The Witch stunned audiences with how easily Eggers seemed to figure out exactly what to do to make everyone super uncomfortable. Great speculation followed as to how Eggers would follow up such a movie. Now that The Lighthouse is here, does it live up to the strong start of The Witch? Read on to find out…but the answer is yes.

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Doctor Sleep

Directed by Mike Flanagan

Doctor Sleep is one of the most difficult to discuss movies I’ve ever watched for this website. Not because it’s experimental or challenging or I didn’t know what was happening, but because so much of what I feel towards the movie is based on my feelings towards Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, the film that this movie is (kind of) a sequel to. The Shining is one of the greatest and classiest horror films ever made, following that without seeming bad by comparison would be a nigh-impossible task. To be frank, I don’t think we ever needed a sequel to The Shining but I will do my best to be fair and discuss Doctor Sleep with an open mind.

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