Quigley (2006)

Quigley (2006)
Directed by William Byron Hillman

Okay This Intro Is Actually Really Cute.

Welcome back everyone to the latest chapter of Dog Days of Summer, a special time of the year where I cover wholesome family dog movies instead of the usual fare of horror. You may recall the last movie I covered, Avenger Dogs, nearly broke me. I managed to finish it, but its repetitive nature, crude pseudo-animation, and lack of anything resembling a story cemented that movie as the least enjoyable thing I have watched for Dog Days of Summer, period. I needed to get back in the groove this week so I chose some low hanging fruit, a faith-based children’s film about a dog named Quigley, starring Gary Busey. You may have heard of Quigley, it has already made its rounds on the internet, but if you haven’t then oh boy, are you in for a treat, for Quigley is a deep tale of atonement, faith, and the never-ending comedy of people falling down.

A Humble Dog Movie Tradition, The Unrelated Introduction!

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves! Quigley starts with a charming animated sequence where the admittedly very cute Quigley appears in various places around town, like at a park, in front of a Cafe, and near the waterfront where Quigley is seconds away from stealing a boat.

Maybe He’s Trying To Escape The Giant Floating Names?

Quigley 2 Is In Pre-Production By The Way.

The interesting thing about this sequence is that none of the places Quigley goes in the movie are featured in this introduction! Was this animated intro meant for a different movie about a small white dog named Quigley who is also played by Gary Busey? I hope so because I could watch a million movies starring Quigley. Anyway, Quigley starts off with the star of our show, Gary Busey, who I will only refer to as Gary Busey by the way, driving a nice convertible to his office whereupon he spots his eternal enemy, the bane of his existence, a dog!

How Could You Hate This Delightful Creature?

When Gary Busey Sees A Dog, He Is Overcome By Primal Instincts.

You see, Gary Busey doesn’t just find dogs annoying or unpleasant, he doesn’t want to be kept away from them, he actively wants to kill them! Busey lumbers over like a slasher villain, ready to strangle this dog that dare defiled his office building with its presence when Busey, unfortunately, slips on the massive pile of dog shit left in its wake. Which, fair enough, I’d be pretty mad if giant dogs were leaving steaming piles on my office lawn. By the way, that image of Busey falling down up there? He landed in a huge pile of dog shit, for extra comedy.

Generic Evil Businessmen. Virtual Reality CD-Roms. Standard Stuff.

Once Busey is cleaned up and away from this scene of humiliation he enters the office with his assistant, where they can have a generic discussion of how great it is to be evil businessmen and step on the little guy. In between what I imagine to be very accurate depictions of self-congratulatory corporate backslapping, Busey mentions that he has a cool ‘Virtual Reality CD-Rom’ to show his assistant, and also that at a meeting next week they will be announcing massive cutbacks and layoffs while setting aside huge bonuses for themselves. Again, perfectly accurate. Have to hand it to Busey though, I am super jealous of his office, which is fitted with huge Egyptian statues, avant-garde furnishings, and a giant steampunk coffee-maker.

Was The Last Owner A Bond Villain And They Didn’t Bother Redecorating?

Gary Busey Goes To Heaven…Just Like In Real Life?

After driving away from his office and smugly going over how he plans to hurt all his employees, Busey spots a small dog in the road and veers to the side, crashing. I assume his intention was to park so he could get out and kill the dog with his own hands, but he loses control of the car and crashes, in a shot that totally doesn’t look like they simply rotated the footage of the inside of the car. Not even slightly. When Busey wakes up, he is in heaven, next to a group of angels debating if Busey has ever done anything good for someone else. Side note: in real life, Gary Busey allegedly demanded changes be made to this set because he claims he’s been to heaven and this set was not faithful to what he saw.

I Have No Idea Whether Or Not This Is What Busey Saw.

Together the angels decide that Busey must return to Earth as a dog. He takes it well.

Have A Fetish For Gary Busey Acting Like A Dog? I Have Good News!

Once Busey is returned to Earth he is accompanied by an observer Angel, played by Os Perkins, someone who is much more known today for his indie horror films, like The Blackcoat’s Daughter and Gretel & Hansel than his appearance here. You could say his casting makes sense though because at this point Quigley becomes slightly terrifying. In stark contrast to how most movies would completely replace Busey with the dog until the ending (see: A Halloween Puppy among others) this movie goes a different route and keeps Busey around, so he can act like a dog. Like when Os Perkins takes him on a leash to a store so a woman can pet him.

After This Perkins Knew Horror Was His Calling.

A Perfect Blend Of Bad!

Now that I’ve established most of the charms that Quigley has I want to take a step back and not reveal too much more. Unlike most of the other movies I cover for Dog Days of Summer I strongly recommend you check out Quigley, at a (socially distanced) party or over a video call, because this movie has to be seen to be believed. It’s such a perfect pairing of technical incompetence, the video quality is poor at best and the sound mixing is bizarre, and narrative weirdness which makes for the best goodbad movies. The best part of the movie though is how aggressively strange Gary Busey’s performance is and he pushes what could have been a boring or bland family film into camp territory. Who else could sell being stuck in a kennel while wearing a collar with such intensity?

The Worst Part Is I Know Someone Has Masturbated To This.

Oh Quigley, You’re Too Good To Me.

After my last movie left me scrambling to find anything to talk about, I’m suddenly overwhelmed with material! Spoilt for choice at which nonsensical decisions were made on set that I can talk about! But I don’t want to spoil the movie or make a ten-page long review, which this could easily become, seeing as how I didn’t even cover the full first NINE MINUTES. I’m happy to let this masterpiece speak for itself and move on to the next dog movie that I need to unearth, but if you want me to go back and write about the rest of the movie I would be happy to, just leave a comment down below and I may go back to it soon or make it a special episode. Thank you for reading this, thanks for your patience, and may Quigley bring you as much joy he has brought me. I would like to end this with one of the strangest images I have ever seen.