Scared Sloth Film Reviews

Directed by Matthew Goodhue

*SPOILERS FOR SLOTHERHOUSE*

I asked for a horror movie starring a sloth, and, for my sins, I got one. Many years ago, in a review of Cannibal Holocaust, I remarked how the sloth seen in that movie may have been the only sloth to appear in a horror movie. Here we are, years later, and I finally have a slasher movie starring a sloth, one that I was so pumped to see that it made me legitimately sad when I couldn’t attend the one-night theater release in person. After all that Slotherhouse finally came to Hulu and after having seen it I can say with no hesitation or remorse that it is not good. At all. It hurt me more than any movie I’ve seen in a long – long – time. So let’s dissect this thing and find out what went wrong.

Saw X (2023)

Directed by Kevin Greutert

Congratulations to Lionsgate on their momentous accomplishment of reaching the 10th film in the Saw series! Who would have thought that a low-budget movie about Cary Elwes cutting off his own leg could spawn a franchise to call its own? Amusingly, the Saw franchise kind of passed me by, I saw the last one, Spiral, but haven’t seen a main franchise Saw movie in over a decade, so I didn’t know what to expect. So I asked a friend of mine who I consider an expert on the Saw franchise if he noticed any kind of evolution between Saw and Saw X, and the answer was a resounding, “No.” If that doesn’t give you high hopes for the newest installment, I don’t know what will!

Talk to Me

Directed by Danny and Michael Philippou

Oof, it’s been a minute hasn’t it? I have tons of excuses but let’s just cut that and get to why I’m here, I saw a movie and wanted to write about it. If you’re familiar with my tastes, then you already know I’m a big fan of the horror movies from A24, I loved Hereditary, Saint Maude, and The Lighthouse in particular, so whenever they release something I pay attention. Talk to Me already had a level of expectation going in, I’d heard that a lot of beloved genre filmmakers praised it, and that it had been doing well financially, but A24 stuff doesn’t always click with me, so I wanted to see it before I recommended it to anyone. Oh man, am I glad I saw this. Talk to Me is a breath of fresh air, a new take on an outdated horror subgenre that shows just what you can do with a simple premise and quality filmmaking.

M3GAN
Directed by Gerard Johnstone

At the end of last year, I saw a series of trailers for M3GAN, a movie about a lifelike doll going on a killing spree. As someone who’s seen most of the Child’s Play franchise (about everyone’s favorite killer doll Chucky), this was all familiar territory, only genderswapped. Considering that this was also a January release, a time of year notorious for the release of projects that studios just want to get rid of, I was not feeling particularly hopeful about the quality of M3GAN. I went into M3GAN thankful that at least it wasn’t going to be three hours long like every other movie getting released now, but left shocked, as M3GAN is kind of good.

The Menu

Directed by Mark Mylod

It’s good to be back! After a barrage of real life I can finally get back to movie watching, and what better way to dive back in than by starting with a movie I really wanted to see? Although not the most hyped or marketed film of 2022, The Menu’s packed cast and intriguing trailer grabbed me, so as soon as I had some time I checked this out. To give a slight spoiler for the rest of the review, the wait was definitely worth it!

Hellraiser (2022)
Directed by David Bruckner

As a franchise, Hellraiser has been through a lot. With evil video games, trips to space, multiple police procedurals, and a low-budget remake so bad that Doug Bradley refused to appear in it; the Hellraiser brand has kind of taken a beating. Revitalizing franchises has been all the rage for these past few years, with Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Predator all getting new entries recently, so I wasn’t shocked when I heard that Hellraiser was going to get a new entry, the 11th in its franchise. What did surprise me was who was announced at the helm, David Bruckner, who directed the excellent film The Night House. Bruckner made an impression on me with The Night House’s gothic atmosphere and supernatural horror elements, a lot of which reminded me thematically of Hellraiser, and he seemed to be a logical choice for this reboot. After all the pain it’s gone through, Hellraiser deserves another good movie, did we finally get one?

Barbarian
Directed & Written by Zach Cregger

Pearl
Directed, Written, and Edited by Ti West

If you’re not into independent horror then both of these movies may have flown under your radar, but for horror nerds like myself, this was a super fun double feature that is only really possible around this time of year. Both of these are kind of on the same wavelength and I don’t want to go into too much detail on either one, so I’ll combine these into one post.