Killer Santa Christmas!

You’re right, you’re right, Christmas was last week and I’m sure you’re all Christmas’ed out. But please indulge me for a moment while I talk about some yuletide offerings where Santa isn’t as jolly as we all remember him. Once upon a time, these types of movies were incredibly controversial, with titles such as Silent Night Deadly Night and Christmas Evil even being banned in some places, but now we’ve eased up a little, and it seems like every year there’s one or two new killer Santa movies. Usually, these movies suck, mostly because the films rely on the shock of Santa killing people rather than making a decent movie, a shock that has kind of lost its edge from the early 80s, but movies should be analyzed on a case by case basis, so here are the two killer Santa movies I watched over the past month!

Violent Night (2022)

Directed by Tommy Wirkola

Jaded from centuries of delivering toys to an uncaring world, Santa Claus (David Harbour) makes his annual trip only to stumble into a heist/hostage situation at an opulent mansion that’s home to an extremely wealthy family that’s being held up by a gaggle of Christmas codenamed villains. Led by Mr. Scrooge (John Leguizamo), these criminals torment the family, but they don’t count on one good little girl who catches Santa’s attention and convinces him to stay to save her family, and also Christmas. Santa Claus ass-kicking ensues.

Now Violent Night technically isn’t a horror movie, but it does have a killer Santa and it is still in theaters so damn it, I am including it! When I walked into Violent Night, I was honestly expecting it to be pretty bad. Most killer Santa movies are, and I was worried that this would just be a watered-down action movie banking on a weird premise. Although it isn’t nearly as fun as some killer Santa movies, like Santa’s Slay, Violent Night was pleasantly surprising in its general competence. That isn’t high praise, but Violent Night isn’t the kind of movie you go to expecting Shakespeare, it’s a fun diversion that just needs to deliver some laughs, some good action, and maybe an emotional moment or two to justify its existence.

And it has those! Violent Night has a lot of fun moments, mostly from Harbour’s solidly absurd performance as a world-weary Santa and from John Leguizamo chewing the scenery like he’s at an all-you-can-eat scenery buffet, and that helps the film get where it’s going, especially in the opening act before everything really ramps up. Once the action gets going, it’s choreographed and shot well, and it’s the right mix of fun and brutal with some wacky Christmas-related kills. There’s an especially memorable sequence that’s a tribute/send-up of Home Alone, which I won’t spoil but it was probably my favorite individual scene in the movie.

Violent Night isn’t going to change your life, but it’s a fun, action-packed yuletide offering that should please genre fans who are tired of the sickly sweet traditions of Miracle on 34th Street and It’s a Wonderful Life.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

Directed by Joe Begos

One fateful Christmas Eve, the employees of a heavy metal music store head out to do the only thing two lonely weirdos can do on Christmas Eve, get wasted at the local watering hole. Unbeknownst to them, the robotic Santa Claus at the nearby toy store, powered by military technology naturally, has picked tonight of all nights to go on a killing spree, cutting a brutal trail of death through this quiet town. As the bodies pile up, the question arises: who will survive, and what will be left of them?

Remember when I was talking about the annual killer Santa movies? This is the second one this year, and unlike Violent Night is actually a horror movie. Somewhat uniquely, the killer Santa in this film isn’t a guy in a Santa suit, but a killer robot, which I absolutely love. I’m a big fan of killer robot movies and this gives the movie a super different feel than a lot of other killer Santa movies which is refreshing. Combine that with the dark, moody atmosphere and good use of color, and excessive violence, this feels like a Christmas version of The Terminator, and I mean that in the best possible way.

Christmas Bloody Christmas has a lot of what I love about indie horror movies, like the grit, the no holds bar approach, and the excess, and even though there is some clunky dialogue and a few shaky performances, overall it succeeds as a wild ride through yuletide hell. I really wish this had gotten a wider theatrical release, cause I can only imagine that the neon landscapes and brutality would have looked even better on the big screen. Still, though, this is a great example of Christmas horror done right, with a set of memorable characters caught up in a terrible situation that just so happens to take place at Christmas, which cleverly raises the stakes in a few subtle ways.

If The Terminator but he’s Santa sounds like a movie you’d want to watch, check out Christmas Bloody Christmas, it may not be in theaters, but it should be streaming on a bunch of platforms, and this is definitely worth a rental.