Spiral: From The Book Of Saw (2021)
Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman

After fourteen months I’m finally back at the movies! It isn’t quite the same as it was before, but I’m really pumped to get back to slight normalcy after spending too much of my free time at movie theaters. Right before everything shut down last year, I did see a trailer or two for Spiral, a movie that I kind of wrote off at the time because I’m not a huge fan of the Saw series and there were a lot of other movies coming out that looked a lot better, like Saint Maud which I recently reviewed. But now very little else is playing in the theater so I went into Spiral with as open of a mind as I could and now that I’ve seen Spiral I have this to say: what the hell did I just watch?

This Is A Saw Movie, Right?

Chris Rock stars in Spiral as Detective Ezekial “Zeke” Banks, a loose cannon cop on the edge who doesn’t play by the rules (please read that in the most absurd way possible) who gets given a new rookie partner, William Schenk, even though Banks doesn’t play well with others. The two soon begin investigating a mysterious death that appears to be similar to the way Jigsaw, of the previous Saw movies, arranged for people to die. As they continue investigating this murderer who targets police officers, Banks, and Schenk get drawn into a conspiracy that seems to be specifically targeting crooked officers, raising questions about the identity of the killer and whether or not Banks, who had previously turned in another officer for corruption, is behind the whole thing.

Am I Supposed To Be Laughing?

On paper, this all sounds pretty reasonable. Sure, it’s a new direction for the Saw franchise, one that seems a bit more interested in being a police procedural than a horror movie, but changing things up doesn’t necessarily make movies bad. What can make movies bad is when everything is wrong. From very early in the film we get a bizarre look at what everyone who made this movie thinks police procedurals are, that snarky bit early on when I was talking about Banks being a “loose cannon cop on the edge”? That dialogue happens almost word for word in the opening scene and it feels farcical like at any point the camera will pull away to reveal this is a set for another Naked Gun movie, and it isn’t helped by Rock’s performance being so weird and over the top. When he isn’t engaging in long-winded ‘comedic’ dialogues that feel ripped out of a comedy special or torturing people in ‘comedic’ ways, Rock is hamming it up and making goofy facial expressions during really inappropriate times. Admittedly, I kind of loved his weird hamminess, but it does not fit a movie trying to take itself seriously.

Were You Not Paying Attention? Don’t Worry, We’ll Remind You What’s Happening And Tell You How To Feel.

Generally, I don’t talk nearly as much about the sound design and editing of films as much as I should. Those elements kind of blend into the background of movies for me when they work and I can’t pick them out as much as I’d like, but when they’re bad like they are here, oh boy do they stick out. Do you like flashbacks? Flashbacks to things that happened literally minutes before that have already been talked about? Well, then you’ll love Spiral, because if a scene is worth showing once, then it’s worth flashing back to a dozen times! This would come in handy for all the people looking at their phones instead of the movie. Why bother paying attention, all the important scenes will be played again before the ‘clever’ ‘twists’ happen, or even just because someone is talking about them even though nothing important is happening! And in case you weren’t sure what to be scared by, there’s a loud screechy musical sting whenever a jumpscare happens. Which, again, is considerate of the filmmakers to tell me when a scary thing has just occurred. I’d have no clue otherwise what was going on or how to feel about it.

Very Topical! But No Desire To Talk About Anything At All.

There was almost an interesting core concept to Spiral, one that is tricky to get right in the best of times, but the idea of a serial killer hunting dirty cops is never used in a way to really comment ethically or morally on anything. I was convinced this would get topical and cheesy, but that would require Spiral to take a stance on something, to say something, and it never does. There’s such a deep range of emotional reactions you could have to that premise, but literally, none of them are brought up in-universe. There seems to be some kind of pretension of depth in some of the Saw movies (the ones I’ve seen anyway), but there is absolutely none of that here. Corrupt cops are bad. Murder is bad. That’s as far as we get. Not that we needed a big ethical dilemma at the center of the film, but why tackle such a hot button topic if you aren’t going to talk about it?

Villains Are Hard To Get Right. Especially When They’re This Badly Written.

Speaking of things being poorly handled, the new Saw killer is…bad. It’s hard to take a villain seriously when they’re constantly breaking the laws of filmmaking by being everywhere at once, doing things that are impossible, and predicting people’s actions with absurd accuracy. It’s even harder when they use those powers to make absurdly on the nose ironic death traps for people we don’t like or want to survive, which he gets people into by using his superpower of being able to sneak up and chloroform anyone anywhere. It’s EVEN HARDER when their taunting voice is as goofy as it is here. Worst of all, the reveal is underwhelming and predictable, especially when we learn why new Jigsaw is doing Jigsaw things.

Time For A Few Nitpicks.

And it isn’t just big stuff Spiral gets wrong, there are a million small details that break the flow of the movie. Early on we see Banks’ apartment, where he is living out of boxes because he’s mid-divorce. The camera pans over to reveal an immaculate set of tiered bowls each displaying a different fresh fruit at peak ripeness. Why on earth would a down on his luck detective who never entertains set this display up like a rich housewife looking to impress her guests? When Banks goes to have dinner with someone, he finds the person missing with a food delivery guy at the door. The delivery guy hands Banks the food and I swear he says, “This has already been delivered,” when he clearly meant it’s already been paid for. And when Banks tries to get into the apartment he simply reaches up and finds the key on top of the doorframe, where NO ONE WHO LIVES IN AN APARTMENT WOULD HIDE IT. Especially because the person who lived there was a former chief of police! Wouldn’t he know about break-ins?

This Movie Is Not Good. But Does That Even Matter?

Obviously, I’m not saying this movie is bad because there is a misplaced bowl of fruit in a shot. But my mind wanders when there isn’t anything meaningful happening, and there is zero emotional core to Spiral. Banks’ relationship with his father is underdeveloped and so is his relationship with his soon-to-be-ex-wife because she shows up once and is never seen or mentioned again! Nothing matters and the viewer is left with a goofy mishmash of stock characters falling into absurd traps while we’re instructed not to give a crap about them, and the film ends abruptly, setting up a whole new series of movies. But I did see this hilariously shitty horror movie in a dark, air-conditioned theater with a bunch of assholes and I got to eat popcorn. So 10/10, I’d recommend Spiral, because, after over a year of being denied all of this, it feels like I’m finally home.