Monthly Archive: January 2019

Site news! Updates on February’s Schedule

Hello! Thanks for staying with me here, I know I’ve missed a few updates recently so I wanted to explain what has been going on and share my plans for moving forward. I’ve recently had some personal issues, car trouble/health trouble/etc., that have taken up a lot of my time and energy, but I’m trying to refocus and come out with more consistent and better content for February onwards.

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The Void (2017)

The Void (2017)

Directed by Steven Kostanski & Jeremy Gillespie

Viewed on Shudder

Man, you know what movies are good? Movies from the 1980s! Movies about weird creatures and body transformations and disgusting monster flourished during the 80s and I absolutely love those kinds of movies. Body horrors like The Fly, Hellraiser, The Thing, really caught my attention and shaped the kind of movies that I seek out and love today. Why bring this up now? Well, that’s because the movie I’m talking about today, The Void, is doing everything it can to nestle itself into that same kind of body horror goodness that made those previous movies I mentioned classics. But does The Void rise to the same heights as its beloved predecessors? That’s exactly what I’m going to answer today!

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Replicas (2019)

This poster has nothing to do with anything.

Replicas (2019)

Directed by Jeffrey Nachmanoff

Viewed in Theatre

Summary: Everything is wrong. Interestingly wrong. So wrong that I wonder how it could have been made this wrong. Check it out!

Should I even be talking about Replicas? It’s not reaaaally a horror movie…but it is a sci-fi thriller…so I guess it’s close enough to count as one, and I am really eager to talk about it. So yes, today I’ll be discussing the new Keanu Reeves science fiction epic, Replicas. Now you probably haven’t heard of Replicas, and if you have then it may be because it was declared the first Box Office Bomb of 2019, making only $2.5 million in its opening weekend on a budget of $30 million, coming in at #13 at the box office. It fared no better critically, with a single digit Rotten Tomatoes score, settling at 9%. Being a fan of Keanu Reeves, and sci-fi thrillers, and outrageously bad movies, I had to give this a watch.

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A Dog’s Way Home (2019)

A Dog’s Way Home (2019)
Directed by Charles Martin Smith
Viewed in Theatre

Summary: As saccharine and familiar as I expected, though the scene where Bella, the dog, winds up chained to a dying homeless man somewhat surprised me.

Woooo! First theatrical dog movie of 2019! Man, when I saw that there was a January bound dog movie, I jumped for joy and recoiled in terror, especially because this is my first January where I’m operating this blog. Thinking back about A Dog’s Way Home, I almost wish it was a worse movie. Not because it’s good, and why on Earth would you want to hear about a good dog movie, but because most of its sins can be pinned on one of two flaws, with the far more serious of those flaws being just how god damn boring this movie is.

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Sam Was Here (2017)

Sam Was Here (2017)

Directed by Christophe Deroo

Viewed on Shudder

    A few days ago I was trawling through Shudder, looking for movies to watch when I stumbled upon Sam Was Here, a uniquely premised horror movie whose summary promised a mix of Black Mirror, Rob Zombie, and David Lynch. That struck me as an incredibly strange mix of directors/shows that diverge strongly in terms of visual style, storytelling conventions, and even their typical mediums, which, even though I’m only a huge fan of one of those listed folk, made me instantly curious as to how this mixture would turn out. If that sounds interesting, join me as I venture further into Sam Was Here!

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Puppet Master (1989)

Puppet Master (1989)

Directed by David Schmoeller

Viewed on DVD

Summary: Puppet Master is a mixed bag, but it has a place in the horror canon so every horror fan should see it at least once.

I was so proud when I posted photos preparing for this day. This particularly perfect day on which I plucked the first Puppet Master movie from its packaging. Well, I plucked more than Puppet Master, since the first disc alone has five movies on it, but that’s neither here nor there, for now we have to discuss the classic film, Puppet Master. I didn’t know anything about Puppet Master before I watched this movie, except that there were killer puppets in it, but you can probably intuit that from its title and genre, so I tried to go in as blind as I could and see if this cult film holds up for me. Let’s get started!

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The Grump Who Stole Christmas (2018)

Hey everyone, I didn’t want to announce this before I knew it was a sure thing but as it is currently being uploaded to Youtube, I feel its safe to talk about my new big project. I wrote a normal review of a movie, The Grump Who Stole Christmas, but I didn’t feel like just text would get across how boring, painful, and agonizing the movie is, so I decided to make you all suffer with me by making a video review of it!

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Bird Box (2018)

Bird Box (2018)

Directed by Susanne Bier

Viewed on Netflix

Summary: Sandra Bullock sleepwalks through this dull, monotonous, disappointing horror movie that has somehow taken the internet by storm.

If you’ve been on the internet in the past two weeks, then I probably don’t need to introduce Bird Box, what with the memes and viral ‘Bird Box Challenge’ that Netflix is begging people not to do. Oh, also that fact that more than 45 million Netflix accounts have seen the movie. So if you’re reading this and have a Netflix subscription, or have the password to someone’s account, then there’s a good chance you’ve probably already seen it. Before I get into my thoughts on the movie itself, I have to admit my sole reason for watching the movie was to check out what made so many people interested in it.

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Escape Room (2019)

Escape Room (2019)

Directed by Adam Robitel

Viewed in Theatre

Two things before we get into Escape Room. The first is a PSA, because there’s one scene, pretty late in the movie, where a room begins flashing strobe lights and there was no warning before the movie or on the poster outside the viewing room that indicated there would be any reason that people who have certain kinds of epilepsy might be triggered by things in the movie. That’s not okay. The Incredibles 2 snafu last year is still fresh in my mind, so why did no one at SONY, a multinational corporation, think about this? Very irresponsible. The second is that this is a horror movie released in January, which is typically not a good sign. Now that we’ve front loaded this with bad news, let’s talk about Escape Room!

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