Monthly Archive: December 2018

Krampus (2015)

Krampus (2015)

Directed by Michael Dougherty

Viewed on DVD

Oh man, Krampus has been exploding these past few years! The once obscure figure of Christmas folklore has starred in at least half a dozen movies, usually of abysmal quality, but this is the film that really got him popular, so we’ll be talking about this version and not any of those other movies, at least not yet, anyway. I can understand why this movie was in stuck in production hell for so long though, the idea of Santa’s evil counterpart probably sounds silly to a lot of people, but let’s see how well this oddly premised film can execute its ideas!

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Terrified (2017)

Terrified (2017)

Directed by Demian Rugna

Viewed on Shudder

Summary: Abundant scares and quick pacing make this Argentinian horror instantly accessible to all horror fans, even though it is a bit uneven.

I try to watch as much foreign horror as I can. There are so many great movies out there that I just haven’t seen because not all f them are dubbed/subtitled or even get distribution where I live, so when I’m able to see a movie from a country I’ve never seen one from before, I get pretty excited! I had just that opportunity today with the movie Terrified, a horror film from Argentina that I’ve heard quite a few good things about! And I should watch this before the American remake comes out… I would normally not be thrilled about such a new movie getting remade, but this remake is being produced by a filmmaker I love, Guillermo Del Toro, so bring it on! Woah, got really off track there. On to Terrified!

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Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

Directed by John McPhail

Viewed in Theatre

Some of you may be wondering, “What the hell is Anna and the Apocalypse, I’ve never heard of it?” That is a perfectly good question, because frankly I hadn’t heard of it until days before it came to a theatre near me, and even then it’s only because I follow people on Twitter who talk about horror movies. I saw no posters at the movie theatre I go to regularly, no trailers or anything to let me know it was coming, it just arrived one day! I guess I can’t be too surprised about that, given that this movie may not have the most cross genre appeal given that this is a Scottish Christmas Zombie Musical, perhaps the first film in that very specific subgenre. Before I get into the good and ill of this movie, I will just say this, if the idea of seeing a Christmas Zombie Musical sounds at all interesting, go see the movie. It might not be playing near you right now, but I get the feeling it’s making the rounds through select markets, so it could show up at any moment. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s dig a little deeper into Anna and the Apocalypse!

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You Might Be The Killer (2018)

You Might Be The Killer (2018)

Directed by Brett Simmons

Viewed on Shudder

You Might Be The Killer may be the best example of why you should never judge a movie by its plot summary. The summary here basically says that Sam, our main character, flees from a masked killer at camp and slowly realizes that he may be the killer, and that he has to have his friend Chuck help guide him through horror movie tropes to try and survive the night. I figured this would be a really hokey tongue in cheek tribute to 80s slasher movies and I am not a huge fan of those kind of nostalgia trips but I decided to watch this because it was featured on Shudder and thought I may as well give this a chance and boy, am I glad I did because I don’t think I have ever been as surprised by a movie as much as this one.

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A Frozen Christmas (2016)

A Frozen Christmas (2016)

Directed by Evan Tramel

Viewed on Hulu

I have to start this review with a question that should never be used to start a review. What is the cutoff before something can no longer be called a film? I bring this up because that was my first thought as I began A Frozen Christmas, a ‘movie’ that may be the worst holiday film I’ve ever seen. I kind of knew it was going to be terrible, it’s on Hulu for starters, and its title is clearly riding off of Frozen to get some confused parents/grandparents to mistakenly buy/rent/click on it. Speaking of that, why don’t you play a game with me and imagine what you think a Christmas themed ripoff of Frozen would be! Maybe it’s about a snowman, who looks suspiciously similar to Olaf, helping Santa deliver his presents? Or maybe it’s about a snowman helping to save Christmas from some evil villain? It is neither of those things. It is so much worse.

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Christmas Evil (1980)

Christmas Evil (1980)

Directed by Lewis Jackson

Viewed on Shudder

That last Christmas horror movie, Black Christmas, was significantly better than I was expecting it to be, so now it’s time to take a look at another old-school Christmas horror classic. How to pick though, how to pick…how about we go with one recommended by the maestro of transgressive cinema, John Waters? The movie Christmas Evil has been described by Waters as “the greatest Christmas movie ever made.” So I think that means I am now obligated to see it. I do quite enjoy Christmas movies, so let’s see what made the top of Waters’ list. Time to explore some Christmas Evil!

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Pumpkinhead (1988)

[Editor’s Note: This is the first review from someone who I hope will be a regular contributor to this site, a writer/movie watcher that I have full confidence in, who I will namedrop as soon I make sure she’s okay with that, until then, please enjoy this review of Pumpkinhead!]

Pumpkinhead is a cautionary tale if ever there was one. I’m not saying this as a bad thing, quite the opposite, it knows what it wants to be and does it pretty well. The overarching theme of the movie being “don’t seek vengeance because it doesn’t get you anywhere”, and while some movies might’ve made that a cheesy wholesome everyone learns a lesson in the end type bullshit, Pumpkinhead goes darker with it. Not everyone learns from their mistakes, and sometimes even if you realize you’re wrong it’s too late to change the actions you’ve set in motion.

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The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

The Christmas Chronicles (2018)

Directed by Clay Kaytis

Viewed on Netflix

 

Summary: Kurt Russell’s presence does nothing to stop Christmas Chronicles from being another DOA attempt at making a modern Christmas classic. Trite and kind of gross.

 

Now it is officially Christmastime so I can present you with a piece of newly minted Christmas history. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with the first found footage Christmas movie! Now, I am a connoisseur of terrible found footage movies, so it is my sworn duty to watch this movie and report back to you on its quality. To my delight I learned that not only is this a found footage movie, it also stars Kurt Russell as Santa Claus! How could I not want to watch this movie?!? Time to grab that eggnog and get ready for our first real Christmas extravaganza with The Christmas Chronicles!

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Black Christmas (1974)

Black Christmas (1974)

Directed by Bob Clark

Viewed on Shudder

 

Summary: Slasher classic Black Christmas has aged surprisingly well, and I will never forget the disturbing noises made by the villain. Recommended!

 

Ah, my second favorite time of the year is finally upon us. Obviously my favorite time is that sacred month of October where we all wait patiently for the glorious day of Halloween, but Christmastime is a close second because dammit I do love the Christmas season and the Christmas spirit and all that. So why not combine these two wonderful holidays and spotlight some Yuletide horror during the most wonderful time of the year? Let’s start with one of the granddaddies of both the Christmas horror subgenre and the slasher genre, Black Christmas!

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